Monthly Archives: March 2012

My 3 year old kid just started to whine. It’s because she’s copying a lot these days and it really is so hard to teach your kids if they see other children whine. Her cousins are used to whine a lot of things especially if they don’t get what they want. I’m the type of parent who is really strict in making my kids practice good manners. I was brought up having fear from my dad because he can just humiliate me in front of many people when I was a kid. I don’t understand that before. But as I grow in knowledge, I’m happy that my parents taught me the right thing and showed me that sometimes being tough is good.

With my daughter right now, since she can see her cousins whine, she will just copy them for example for no reason at all. Sometimes ending up me pushing the time-out rule quickly. But then I realized it’s wrong. My husband then said that not all things can be done in a harsh way. Talking is good, he said. And so here comes seeking help and checking out what’s best to handle whining.

So here’s what I found out:

Define it. I understood that asking your child on what grounds or purpose of her whining will be a good step in handling this type of issues with our toddlers. From there, I can then tell her/him that whining is not good. By giving her the difference between the regular talking and the sound that whining makes, will make her realize that there is really a difference between the two and she can see that it is not good.

Acknowledge your child’s need for attention. Yeah, sometimes they just need your attention on something. I’ve experienced that many times with my kid.

Show her a better way to address the problem. I hope and pray that I can go over these note. Why? because I’m not just dealing with my 3 year old in this case. I’m also dealing with her cousins who are older than her. Addressing the problem with my kid is fine, I just hope I can address “who” the problem is.

Avoid triggers. I really notice that she whines whenever she feel sleepy or hungry. I’m thankful that I can define that.

Respond consistently. Whether her demand is reasonable or not, it’s important to let your child know that her way of asking just won’t cut it. Say something like, "I can’t understand you when you talk like that. Please use your normal voice and I’ll be happy to listen to what you’re saying." Keep your tone and facial expression neutral (letting yourself get riled will only feed the fire). Most importantly, keep saying or doing the same thing, and don’t give in. "Picture yourself as a Las Vegas slot machine," says veteran mom Lisa Levi. "Your child pulls the lever and pulls the lever again. One win — even after 12 losses — will show her that a slot machine is a good bet for making money, and that’s not what you want her to learn."
As important as responding consistently to a whine is acknowledging a switch: When your child does use her normal voice, respond to her immediately so she learns that this works. Don’t feel obligated to give her what she wants because she asks without whining, though. Just be empathetic and appreciative. "I’m sorry that you can’t play now, but it’s time for bed. Thanks for asking so nicely!" — I can’t add anything to that. I need to include it over these post because, it really is important to respond in the right way.

Be — or at least pretend to be — nonchalant when the whining goes into overdrive. It says here on this not to “…keep your cool.” THANK GOD I’m good with that in public.

There you are. Some important rules for a parent like me. Good luck to us as always. And hope it helps you out again.

Last month, we received a bad news that Hubby’s grandmother passed away. My mother-in-law that time was here with us for a month vacation. It really is easy to accept things like this even though we’ve already accepted grandma’s fate. She’s been suffering with a long term disease for so long, and we know that it’s really hard to be in her place during her medications and appointments with her doctor. How we all wish we can cheat on death.

Anyway, but how about for preschoolers? My sister-in-law has two kids. Explaining death to an 8 and 7 year old kids are easier than telling it to my 3 1/4 year old toddler. The thing is, she remember well grandma’s face since we were with her for a year. I tried to explain to her in a nomads way, but to no avail. There was a photo that was save on my phone and she saw it. She told me that it’s grandma. I then reminded her that grandma is not with us anymore. But for her it’s like she’s still around. I may not be the one who is in this situation right now. It might be another mom like me who are searching for a best way to explain things to their little ones, so I made a research on how to explain death to our preschooler.

Death is one of the hardest subjects to broach with young children, especially when you’re struggling to deal with your own sorrow. But death is also an inescapable part of life, and children want to understand it and find ways to grieve that feel natural.

Don’t dodge her questions. Answer her questions about death, and don’t be afraid to read stories about children whose pets or grandparents die.

Give brief, simple answers. Young children can’t handle too much information at once. At this age, it’s most helpful to explain death in terms of physical functions that have ceased, rather than launching into a complicated discussion of a particular illness: "Now that Uncle John has died, his body has stopped working. He can’t walk or run, or eat or sleep or see anymore, and he doesn’t feel any pain." It’s also important to help a preschooler understand basics such as who’s going to take care of her. "She thinks, ‘If Mom dies, who’s going to give me my bath?’ " says grief specialist Michael Towne.— this is how we explained things to our Julia.

Express your own emotions. Grieving is an important part of healing, for both children and adults.

Avoid euphemisms. State the reasons for the death as simply as possible.

Be prepared for a variety of reactions. Children not only feel sorrow over the death of a loved one, they may also feel guilt or anger. Reassure your preschooler that nothing she said or did caused the death, and don’t be surprised if she expresses anger toward you, the doctors and nurses, or even the deceased.

Expect the subject to come up repeatedly. Be ready to field the same questions from your child over and over again, since understanding the permanence of death is a struggle for her. Just keep answering them as patiently as you can.

Memorialize the deceased. Children need concrete ways to mourn the death of a loved one.

Don’t try to be perfect. Ask for help from friends and relatives, and remember that the more you help yourself cope, the better you’ll be able to help your child cope, both now and later.

These are just simple explanations that you might consider reading. Hope it helps you out.